From Dawn to Dusk

 It has been a few months and now I am completely settled into my mother's townhome in Edmonton where I do not want to be.

This place feels wrong. I knew it when she first showed it to me, the day she decided to buy it without asking for my opinion on what I thought of it. One single bathroom upstairs and a toilet in the basement. Nothing on the main floor. My bedroom is small and depressing to be in, it is often chilly at night and the window has no light coming in and a view of the parking lot.

I suppose I like the old trees around the property, but that is about it. One of them crosses by my bedroom window.

These are hard times. Not just economically because I can no longer work in my trade due to mandates, but it is hard mentally and spiritually. My mother is completely asleep. She will not welcome an intelligent discussion about the nature of our reality or can discuss the depths of how I am feeling and what I am concerned about. She spends her days watching reality shows like The Bachelor or game shows like Wheel of Fortune where she gets excited each time people win money.

Her life revolves around the television and eating food. She is a sensory creature and when asked if she thought there was life after death, she thinks there is nothing on the other side.

In short, my mother is... unlike me in every aspect I can think of. Oil and water and...

It hurts. I have trouble being around her. At least before when I had my own place, I could see her once a week and retain my sanity. Now, I see her every single day and I do not want to be here.

I don't want to be here anymore.

I am almost broke. My money is about all gone and I am in serious debt. I have no hope for my future to make a living. I do not want to be a part of this charade any longer the more I read and learn about what this world really is and how it operates.

And it makes me wonder if I had a million dollars right now, if I would feel any differently. Maybe I would. I would be happy to move out of this country and never come back. Spend my days by a beach. Sand in-between my toes, maybe a dog or a pet and... live a serene and peaceful life.

But I do not have a million dollars. All I have is a soul that cries out to the heavens for release from this madness. This... game we are all inside of. Some of us realize this what this place is but many do not. Many continue to believe what is on the television, many continue to believe in this system or that it is worth fighting for and maintaining.

I disagree. This was a beautiful place. I loved being out in nature, seeing the bright warm yellow sun, being by the river and watching the currents rolling by. No longer. The world has become grey and routine and difficult to bear.

It is not solely because of how I've changed but because of how much has happened in the last three years. We have had the curtain pulled aside and we can see those behind the scenes pulling the strings of our "leaders" and manipulating the elections. We see the evil exposed and being brought into the light. Some of us has protested, such as with the Freedom Convoy and some of us have sat at home, oblivious, playing our video games, watching our movies, doing stuff that doesn't really matter.

Myself, I have tried. When rallies produced nothing, when speaking to my family could not prevent them from taking the injections, I turned inward. I studied, learned as much as I could about what was going on. I knew it two years ago but each day since has only increased my worries and certainty that this is a world run by evil and those that are ignorant of it are by themselves complicit in how this all came about. 

Brazil, America, Australia, the UK, Canada, New Zealand... my God, it runs deep. The evil has been trying to corral human beings into a digital slavery system of central bank digital currencies, 15 minute cities, concentration camps... Yesterday I watched a video about babies being born in artificial wombs and how parents could alter their baby's genetics however way they wanted and can monitor remotely from an app on their phone. It is sick. Evil. Twisted manipulation of what it means to be a human being.

Everything is going to go digital and then there will be no freedom left once everyone's move is tracked, their spending controlled and they are restricted from going outside of their "zones" as how it is currently being implemented in Oxford, UK.

Australia is even worse. Recreational fishing is now punishable by up to 6 years in jail and thousands of dollars in fines. The digital ID system will make it so that you cannot even buy a cup of coffee at a cafe without a digital fingerprint. No more money can be given to the homeless. No more money can be spent on "unessentials" which will be decided by the government and decided by your social credit score and carbon footprint.

This is absolutely evil and... I have been watching it every day since March of 2020. It only grows worse and worse. Nothing is getting any better. Some of our freedoms have been restored but there are still those who ride around alone in their cars with a mask on their faces. The programming is deep. So many cannot seem to wake up to the scam being perpetuated upon us. The slow boiling of the frogs has long commenced and the water is now close to being scalding hot.

I have taken drastic shifts mentally and spiritually in preparing myself for the times to come. Where I was once optimistic and full of cheer and good energy, I... am now grim and restrained. I see the danger of all this and I have calculated the odds for humanity to pull through. It is not good. Those with money who are able to live outside of the cities, off-grid or being able to grow their own food among strong communities who value freedom and self-sufficiency have the best chances of success.

Even then, if money is removed from the system and replaced by digital dollars, I cannot foresee them making it through. Not when property taxes have to be paid, utilities and cell phone/internet bills. 

I am happy when I watch people like Curtis Stone who has gone off-grid outside of Kelowna. If any of humanity should pull through to the other side, I hope it will be men like him. He has the best chances out of all of us. Max Igan, Jeff Berwick... Neil Mckoy-Ward... and others might fare well.

They are the best and brightest of us. They deserve the success they've managed to create for themselves.

Myself... and others who are in a similar position, are not as fortunate.

How can one choose NOT to participate in this beast system? Where we are treated like animals to be tagged, tracked and told what to do and where we can go? What is the option for us who cannot afford to live off-grid and disconnect?

I believe there is no option. 

And I think you know what I mean by that.

For the past few months I have shifted my focus to learning about my soul. About the spirit. About where we go after we die and learning about those who have had near death experiences. I am understanding a side of reality that few choose to think about. I believe these are the times to inform ourselves of what lies upon the other side should we inevitably reach the point of no return where it is either homelessness and slavery or death.

Some of us are being pushed to make those decisions sooner than others.

That is why it is so important to understand who we are and where we come from. Understand what we believe in. Ask ourselves if what we believe in is correct and study it from multiple angles. I myself have been raised a skeptical Catholic. I knew from a young age that parts of the Bible did not make sense. But I also knew there was a God and that He/It was good and loves us. I just could not see that God in the Old Testament but I could feel it inside of my soul. I knew he was there.

It wasn't until I began looking into Gnosticism and the Apocryphon of John that I began to value Yeshua or Jesus more than I ever did. Regardless of whether or not he existed, his words DO exist and resonate through the ages. Most especially in Gnostic texts such as the Gospel of Thomas.

I believe his mission was to come here to teach us how to escape. It makes perfect sense, for he himself has said that the ruler of this world is evil. That our bodies are a prison and that the true home of our souls is elsewhere, not here. Not on this Earth.

And they killed him for it, took his teachings, perverted some of what he said, changed him into a judge and arbitrator of souls when contradictory passages exist to say that he did not come to judge us but to save the world. It brings into question Revelation, also, as a text that is worth a critical examination. Will he return? What would happen if he does? How will we know it is him? Will everything be magically fixed once he does? Will the rapture happen? Will the tares be separated from the wheat?

Or are we all being lead into slaughter by words that he himself did not write or speak of. Are we going to be placing our hopes into the hands of "John" who wrote the book of Revelation while locked inside of a prison and claiming that they are true and accurate visions of the future?

So much of the book appears to be coming true right now but it is easy to not consider that it might be a set-up. A script. A blueprint being followed and carried out purposefully. There is no question that a great evil exists upon this planet and that dark forces are pulling the strings. Absolutely no question about that at all. Mind-controlled robots. Psychopaths without conscience. Hypocrites of the highest order imaginable.

Perversion of justice and the officers who have sworn to protect us. 

We can no longer place our trust into anything external. We cannot magically hope for a sudden reversal of the economy, the restoration of human rights, the elimination of inflation, high-interest rates and so on.

Our children are still being indoctrinated in schools to believe all the wrong things about the world they are being prepared to enter. They are being read stories by men dressed up as women and cheered on by clueless "woke" mothers who think they are somehow being inclusive to what is a dark agenda being carried out right in front of their faces.

Few people know the truth of how bad it really is. Maybe that is why some choose not to face it. Maybe that is why people like my mother can only watch game shows all day and distract herself with food and shopping and doing haircuts for people.

Because if she really knew... If everyone really knew...

They would be horrified.

Just like I have been. Just like I am now.

There is so much going on that it isn't just politics and the economy we need to worry about. We are being given GMO foods, low-quality and water filled with toxins and drugs and fluoride. It is not going to improve anytime soon. If ever.

The point of all that is happening is a crushing of the human spirit. A replacement of Christians and those who believe in conservative values. Love, compassion, beauty, justice and freedom. None of these values are being reflected in our society today. Porn, Tinder and feminists have destroyed love, compassion has been reduced to supporting pedophiles and deranged men, beauty is no longer present in movies or art or the radiance of a happy soul, justice is eroded and favors the rich and the elite and freedom... you know what has happened to freedom. People still are locked up for what happened on Jan. 6. Truckers have had their bank accounts frozen and people like Chrystia Freeland is on video laughing about it.

These are the times to be preparing to live in caves and cut off from the system. If we cannot do that, if protesting does not change a thing, if half the population is against us and supports mandates and doing whatever they are told to do, then we are ruled by slaves and must act quickly to prevent the worst of what is coming.

The building is on fire and no amount of buckets of water can extinguish it.

Pray for the good souls among us and let us become good souls ourselves. Let us affirm our divinity, our sovereignty, our truth. Let us affirm it as far as we can. For even in Revelation it speaks of 1/3rd of Christians being killed standing up for what they believe in.

Yes, we must go deep within now. Read as much as you can. Test and challenge what you believe in. Gnosticism is useful. Study near death experiences. Find out what the Buddhists say. Learn about the Gods of Hinduism. Examine the crazy ideas and notions that people like Icke put out. GO DEEP WITHIN and do not languish in ignorance if you can help it. Make that time to read each day. Learn. Pray. Connect. 

...And I do not know who I am addressing this message towards... I suppose I am ranting... no one reads these messages anyways.

I just know that I am a good man and my heart is pure. My intentions have been pure.

However, the social contract has been broken and I have no allies in real life to lean upon.

I pray for release. I pray for understanding. I pray for wisdom and guidance.

I pray for us all.

I am a sovereign being.

And this place is hell.

The Remnants

It still keeps going. The heavy weight of this world continues to press down.

I am in-between a rock and a hard place. I have about a month to get everything out from my house before new people move in and there is so much here to deal with.

Heavy furniture, books, shelves, electronics, stuff in the garage, stuff in the basement...

It's all so much. So overwhelming that I am not getting as much done as I would like.

My cousin Justin is coming over here today to have a look at what he would like to keep for himself at his new home. I'm looking forward to seeing him here for the first time. In all the years I've been here, few of my relatives have come by to see my place. 

There is a deep sadness inside of me now. A dark cloud where before there was light. Yesterday I thought a little about how I have reached this point and seriously questioned my purpose and reason for being here on this planet.

What have I done with my life? All of those years I've stood and drew breath? 

What have I truly accomplished other than to write on this blog and to have written novels that are unfinished and won't ever be published? 

I knew early on in life that my gift was the use of imagination and an ability to paint pictures with words. I loved reading and using my mind to imagine worlds and experiences that I may not ever get to enjoy.

Experiences like falling in love with someone who loves and cares for me as deeply as I do for them.

Experiences like finding a career that I enjoy and feeling proud to earn a living with.

The experience of bringing myself ever the more closer to understanding God and the supernatural realms that exist between myself and Him.

44 years of my life has come to this. This disheartened state pf confusion and worry.

I am an overthinker and cannot help but imagine the future, not just for myself, but for humanity in general.

Like it was said in the last post, it is not looking good for us. 

And... a part of me is wondering if I might be wrong, and that this is all theatre as a prelude to the Great Awakening where everyone understands the Truth of how we have been deceived through our institutions, manipulated by technology and forced into digital servitude.

What kind of life will our children be inheriting from us? People like me who are at the cusp of this global transformation and enslavement? I feel both responsible and helpless for the predicament we've found ourselves in.

Seeking and speaking the Truth has always been important to me. 

But it does not seem to be important to most of the people I am surrounded by. My family are content to ignore the going-ons in the world to focus their attention instead on other matters. 

The War for our Mind and Souls has been in effect since the very beginning of our birth but so few of us have realized that there is a sinister and organized intelligence in the world who wants to corrupt and destroy us.

With this "Great Reset" Satanic agenda being rolled out, it should awakened most of us to see that the world is not what it appears to be. That perhaps those "conspiracy" theorists were telling us the truth all along. 

But the damage has already been done. The economy is being wrecked. Unneeded vaccines have already been shot into most people's arms. Governments are corrupt and failing. The flow of information censored and controlled by a select few.

There will be a reset by active principle force, or a reset of slow necessity as we try to salvage the remnants of our old ways of life.

The generation of kids born after the year 2000 have not known a world without the internet. Without cell phones. They did not experience the trauma that was caused to us collectively by what happened on September 11th, 2001.

Because it was trauma that was intentionally inflicted upon us. The opening bell before the formation of a surveillance state that tracks our every move, knows our every purchase, knows our friends and families better than we know them ourselves. 

A state that has access to everything about ourselves except our thoughts, and it is only a matter of time before they might be able to access our minds as well.

I believe the keys to the planet have been given over to artificial intelligence. It controls the food supply, the distribution of goods, makes decisions based on our behavior. This AI has access to the entire internet and can categorize the collective mood of the planet.

Years ago I remember reading about AI being able to write articles and social media posts. Now, it is without dispute that social media is infested with bots. Some of whom are easy to spot and not others.

News articles can now appear genuine, video footage can be faked, voice samples from human beings are harvested to create fake dopplegangers that are close to if not completely believable.

Imagine the power that an artificial intelligence would now have if given these tools of manipulation and deception. No one could ever determine what is true and what is not. A nuclear bomb could go off in New York City and no one would ever know about it if this AI decides not to release the information.

It could even fake stories altogether, complete with audio and video footage of a person who may or may not exist. Imagine politicians who look and speak like real people, but do not actually exist.

That is a scary reality we are heading towards. One that is completely controlled and without accountability. 

How can humanity survive all this intact? When we place trust into that which is unworthy, we buy into the deception and muddy our understanding of the world we live in. We cannot make educated decisions when the information being given is false or misleading.

There will come a point in time when it will be impossible to know what is truly going around us unless we talk face-to-face with people that we know.

And even then, it would be such a small window of insight.

I was searching for news on Sri Lanka today, trying to find out how bad the situation is there. It turns out its pretty bad. People are lining up for days, sleeping in their cars, waiting to purchase fuel which is rationed and controlled by an application on their cell phones.

But, that was all I could find out about the country. Aside from that, how is it really in the country? How many people are starving? How many are out of work? How many have died as a result of failed green policies that have crippled their island?

In Alberta, they released statistics recently showing that "unknown" deaths are the leading cause of mortality in the province. How can it be "unknown" when the common denominator are these vaccines being forced upon everyone?

What is happening to us is sick. It's scary, and it does not seem to be ending anytime soon.

Technology only gets better and more refined with time. 

And it is far superior to that of a single human mind no matter how badly this one mind wants to push back against it.

I fear for this planet. Humanity has been painted into a corner.

People like myself are an aging breed and we are among the last to know what life before the digital age was like. 

It was filled with warmth, hope and awe.

It is no longer any of these things.

May God have mercy upon us and strike down those that are responsible for this enslavement.

Because we cannot hope to do it on our own.

Should this be the "end" of the world, so be it.

Humanity will have no freedom left if it continues along like this.

And no meaning or purpose to live for.

Other than to exist.

To consume.

And to seek out pleasure.

All provided for by the great AI in the sky. Watching, controlling and managing our every move and perceptions.

God help us.

We need you now.

Faith in God

I am saddened and upset at the state of the world.

It's one thing to be seeing constant bad news about the decline of the Western empire every day all day and it is quite another to speak to people in person to find out how their lives are affected.

It's not looking good. Jobs are hard to come by, people are losing their homes, the lady that I talk to at the smoke shop is moving to B.C. to start a new career driving trucks, leaving everything she owns behind.

I see the older people in my community. The 70 and 80 year olds and... I fear for them. Health care services are overwhelmed, waiting times are unreasonably long with one man telling me how he had to wait 8 hours to be looked at and then hours more after for treatment.

Articles on the web about emergency clinics in Ontario closing early due to staffing shortages. An article about 4 doctors in Ontario dying in the same week after taking the 4th covid jab.

Economic collapse. Jobs being cut. Interest rates going up and making homes affordable and hurting those like myself with even high debt to repay.

Talks of a polar shift, talks of an impending ice age, talks of civil war, rationing, digital ID, CBDC...

Stolen elections. A video of Biden giving two speeches in one day with one of the speeches where he looks like a different person, leading many to speculate that it is a deep fake or a man wearing a mask.

Massive flooding in various places, earthquakes, droughts, food processing plants being destroyed, nitrogen shipment on trains being derailed, Germany not having enough natural gas to last the winter...

It goes on and on.

Trudeau bans handguns. Cuts nitrogen/fertilizer use by 30% making it more expensive for farmers to grow food and more expensive for us to buy it. Monkeypox. Fires in Spain. Riots and protesting in Panama, Italy, France, The Netherlands. Blackouts in Cuba. Energy rationing in Germany. Citizens need a cell phone to purchase rationed gas in Sri Lanka. Iran forces it's citizens to a digital id to buy food...

I can't even keep up with the amount of information coming out each day enough to remember each single one.

It's... well, it looks like what it is.

The apocalypse.

Or, the "great unveiling" where Truth is known and we all get to see the ugly Truth of the world we live in. Governed by corrupt officials who say and do things aimed at hurting the people they are supposed to represent the best interests of.

Let's be realistic, they are not representing or fighting for our best interests.

False flags everywhere.

Censorship everywhere. Some of what I said is reported in the mainstream news but most of it is not.

There's a reason for that, they don't want us to know. Bill C-11 is going to make getting information difficult and possibly inaccessible for Canadians so that if a nuclear bomb drops somewhere in the world, if the Canadian government does not want us to know about it, we won't. Is there a protest? We may not get to know about it, thanks to...

The evil in this world.

New York Times and CNN are both promoting cannibalism. Young children are forced to get injected with an experimental substance, pedophilia is being normalized, transgenderism is being normalised, unchecked illegal immigration is destroying our cultural identity and so on and forth.

I'm so tired of it all. So tired that I don't have much interest in typing about it. So much to absorb, so much to worry about, so much helplessness as I watch the world burn and lose it's soul in the process.

I'm tired, God.

And...

Yeah.

I'm tired.

Two-Knee Tuesday

Looks like I am writing another post on the same day. Strange how I neglected this blog for so long and now I am rapidly coming back to it.

My gut tells me that if I cannot make much of a difference in the world, I can at least put my thoughts and experiences to paper and sort myself out.

Maybe down the line someone will read all this and understand who I am and what I've gone through.

I don't think it is sympathy I am hoping for because it is never gratifying to be looked upon with pity. It is gratifying to be looked upon with respect and appreciation.

But I have not been able to earn those two things.

Well, perhaps appreciation in the small ways I seem to impact certain people's lives.

A few weeks ago a man named Michael called over to me from his car in the park where we were both sitting. 

"Hey, how's it going?" he shouted from twenty feet away outside a rolled-down window.

And... I responded without much interest or care because I remember not feeling social or if I was, I wasn't confident in my ability to engage with someone without presenting myself as a social misfit.

But something happened. A small dog named Dina popped it's head out the window and looked at me.

That did the trick. 

"Is that your dog?" I asked, feeling my mood brighten. 

And that was when I felt my soul lift itself up to go over and pet this cute little chihuaha which prompted a conversation with the man who later introduced himself as Michael.

He had an interesting life. Was handicapped and we had a good nostalgic conversation about the times he lived through, being that he was in his late 60s/early 70s.

I really enjoyed talking with him. We ran into each other a 2nd time about a week later and he kindly offered me a piece of Kentucky Fried Chicken which I declined because my appetite has gone to shit and I seem to have developed an aversion to heavily processed and fried foods.

But I helped him clear all of the takeout bags from his vehicle when he invited me to sit with him. He seemed extremely grateful for this small gesture of mine that I thought very little of.

And... It's strange how that works. How someone appreciates you for a gesture that you paid little thought towards.

Those small gestures make a big difference in people's lives.

And with that said...

Sighs.

The realtor lady came by to take pictures of the house and to officially list it on MLS starting tomorrow. She was impressed with the work I've done with the place and...

Well.. she was kind of... detached. In a personality/emotional type of way. I can't quite describe it but it felt like I was interacting with a person mimicking a human being.

Oddly enough, she was a former newscaster on a local TV station for many years that I did not recognize but my mother did. Andrea Engel of Global News.

Yet both times I've met her, I couldn't help but think that there was something quite off about her. Today she showed up with what looked like a herpes sore on her bottom right lip. Not that it particularly matters but it did make me wonder a little about her personal life. 

I told my mother the first time we met her that I suspected her of being on drugs. Meth or cocaine... I'm not sure as I haven't done either of those, but she was overly-energetic, somewhat jittery and detached as I mentioned, in an engaging sort of way.

Like a caricature of sorts.

I don't want to judge people but it is what I observed. 

She was nice as she toured my house, complimented many things, placed a sign on my front lawn and left after photos were taken.

Sighs... I can feel my mind struggling to keep typing. I don't know why that is. Some type of resistance.

I feel like I have a lot to say but not much interest in saying it. 

Two years of being unemployed throughout this plandemic has affected me. Every bit of news I read, podcast I listen to or video that I watch all have to do with lies and corruption. Hardly any of it is good, but I would rather be informed than to be kept ignorant.

And perhaps that is a large part of why I am struggling right now trying to find meaning and hope for the future.

Viktor Frankl in his memoir "Man's Search For Meaning" was an incredible book I had read many years ago that described what he went through as a concentration camp survivor. When there was no hope to be found, he still held onto it and the entire book can be summed up by a single sentence as to how this was done.

"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how."

Anyone who has a strong enough reason to live can endure just about anything. In Viktor's case, his reason for living was to someday be reunited with his wife and after several years, this did happen.

However, Viktor also survived because he was a doctor and did not suffer as much as his peers in the same camp. His skill set aided in improving the chances of his survival.

That, and his having a wife to dream about and look forward to seeing again.

I don't have a why to live for and I am having difficulty imagining what I could come up with that will allow me to bear almost any "how" as Frankl has done.

What reason do I have to exist? Did I come onto this planet to eat, shit and die? Will this be the legacy I leave behind? That I made some people happy, other people angry and... I had a few mystical experiences in life that hardly anyone knows about because I would sound completely crazy if I described it to them?

I tried confiding in a woman named Natasha in a Telegram group for anti-vaxxers/no-mask mandates after a few weeks of conversation. She didn't reply to my saying that I thought I was Jesus or that I felt the spirit of Christ within me at 8 year intervals, 3 times in my life.

And she was religious. She was quoting Bible passages to me prior to my deciding to tell her a little about my experiences.

No response, and it's been over a week. Telegram has marked the message as "read" so I know it was seen.

I'm tired... I don't have a tribe that I fit into. I don't have a vocation that makes me valuable. I do not have a wife or a girlfriend to look forward to seeing. No kids, no job and soon no money.

What is there for me to look forward to in this world when it all seems to be falling apart?

I listed to David Whitehead earlier of the Truth Seeker podcast and I greatly enjoyed his take on how mental health can be preserved and the importance of having faith.

But... He's blessed for being a good talker and an attractive, athletic man who is highly intelligent and aware with a wife and kids that seem to love him.

I am not a good talker, I don't know if I'm particularly attractive and I do not have a girlfriend or kids.

I still do not have a "why" to bear almost any "how".

David in his podcast suggested that if someone did not have a mission or direction in life, then that it what their mission becomes. To find a mission and goal to aim towards.

Easier said than done, David.

I have tried finding my mission in life. I thought I would be a writer. Wrote hundreds of pages of stuff and nothing really worth publishing. 

Besides, who reads books these days anyways?

Is it possible for me to earn a living writing? Certainly, but as a fiction writer I would have to publish book after book and market them accordingly and...

It's like hoping for a lottery ticket to pay off. All that work and effort and a less than 0.0003% chance of winning the grand prize.

Or any prize really.

I can't say that I didn't try, but when my ex-girlfriends didn't express all that much interest or enthusiasm towards my work, I felt like it wasn't worth pushing forward with.

Why write to the ether if nobody truly cares about the things that I say.

Except as this blog is now made public, perhaps someone will stumble upon these words and...

Be entertained by them? What else would they be.

And then what?

I wrote on Medium for a year or so and that didn't bear much fruit either. Wrote some pretty good stuff on there I thought, but little engagement and a low number of subscribers.

When my ex Fola has 200+ subscribers and barely writes anything at all, it's quite demoralizing to see her sub count against my double-digits.

She didn't even have to try to get those subscribers and I'm certain that many of them are bots or from Facebook friends and people that she works with.

I have no interest in struggling to get eyeballs onto my work. That would be as difficult as writing itself and I wouldn't have the time or the willingness to spam my writings all over the internet in the hopes of getting people interested.

I believe that "if you build it, they will come" and for all the hard work and effort I put into my writing over the years, hardly anyone has come.

So why should I bother being excited about becoming a writer? Can't earn a living with it. Can't get enough people interested in reading.

But it is a form of therapy for me. It can be, not always, but sometimes makes me feel better for having laid my thoughts out in a way that I can crystallize and understand in more detail.

And preserve... for whomever comes across these words in the future.

Maybe my writing makes a meaningful difference, maybe it will make a difference down the line. I don't know... I don't really care and that complacency I feel towards the craft has reduced my ability to really make these words shine because I'm not caring enough about what it is I'm saying or how I am saying it.

Because this is not for others to see, only for myself.

Others are welcomed but not expected.

And this reminds me of my youth and the effects of having emotionally-neutered/distant parents growing up.

I thirst for the approval and love of others. I want people to value me. To sincerely appreciate the gifts that I share with them of my thoughts in detail enough so that they are entertaining, engaging and courageously vulnerable. If that makes any sense.

My eyes feel tired at the moment, like I am trying to stay awake. Too tired to pause long enough to find the "right" words and I'm typing off the top of my mind. Not caring about how this all looks.

I keep thinking, though.

What am I meant to be doing here? What was it that I am supposed to learn? 

And can I exist in this world without fear of being homeless and never being able to get a job or to rent or buy a home once I declare bankruptcy and give up most of my material possessions, including my vehicle and maybe phone and laptop?

Where's the light at this end of this tunnel? What dream could I aspire towards that will put fuel in my tank and a spring in my step?

What is my "why" so that I can bear almost any "how" ?

I would like to know what it is.

I prayed twice today... Asking both times to be shown what my path is to be.

And I plan on bringing it up again when I go to sleep.

Why am I here? What is the point of not getting a jab if I do not expect myself to live for much longer?

I am not kidding when I think that I might starve to death, or die in some premature way.

Because... if that is what the outcome will be, then my life...

Has not been lived as well as I would've liked it to be.

I have a mother who is unable to engage with me on an intellectual or spiritual level. Emotions seems to be all that she knows. The spectrum of discourse between us is a sadly narrow one. She has no greater thoughts or considered opinions on anything important.

I don't want to judge her, but this is my observation. As much as I appreciate her helping me to live in this house, I can't help but feel like she enjoys watching me fail. I don't know why that is but... I feel it. Especially when she perked up in thinking that she would be the "boss" over me should I move in with her.

"I'll be the boss!" she smiled, as this subject was discussed between us.  

It is difficult having a mother who feels like a weight rather than an asset.

As I'm sure she is to say the same of me. Having been unemployed and without a relationship for about two years now. 

Without any source of happiness, either. I don't feel happy listening to conspiracy podcasts and others that are in relation to what is going on in the world today. Truthfully with no BS. Uncensored and uncompromised.

It feels like this is all theater and I am watching a horror film play itself out. Everyone on the planet gets jabbed by an experimental concoction that was rushed through FDA trials and has a list of over 1,500 adverse side effects including "death".

As if Justin Bieber's facial paralysis and his wife having had a stroke isn't evidence enough of how horrific of a movie we've all found ourselves watching and playing a part of.

There will come a time when my mother will pass away and with that, leave me all alone in this world. 

My half-sisters rejected me, despite how badly I wanted to develop a relationship with them.

My cousins are off doing their own things. Having rejected me, despite us having wonderful times together in our childhood.

I don't have a rapport going with any of my aunts or uncles. Some of whom I haven't talked to in years and neither has my mother.

I am already alone and isolated.

I do not have a "why" to bear almost any "how".

But... for the grace of God Himself... who appears to be silent in my greatest time of need.

I don't know what else to say... to look forward to... 

To feel comforted by...

Just having a girlfriend who is sincere and appreciative would help. But who would want to date someone like me? At this age of 44 looking down the barrel of a gun that the World Economic Forum is slowly squeezing the trigger of.

It is not just about me. It's everyone who is being affected by this.

Well...

Everyone except the willfully ignorant... Who aren't reading articles or paying attention to the roll out of a dystopian future planned for the enslavement of humanity.

It's so much like a movie it's ridiculous. Klaus Schwab... the villain... Bill Gates...

Sighs.

Such a parody... and maybe this is really what it is.

Just a show.

But as curious as I am about the ending, I don't feel like I will be able to make it far enough down the path to be able to see how it all unfolds.

And whether or not a miracle will somehow present itself to reverse the damage that such corruption and lies has wrought upon us. The betrayal of our institutions and the destruction of our old way of life.

Everything is going to shit. Music, movies, books, television shows, comedy, politics, health care....

Everything.

This truly is the apocalypse and I am at a loss for what I should do.

Other than to continue cleaning out my home which feels like a constant, never-ending battle.

So much stuff... I stand guilty of the crime of materialism without ever realizing it... And it's not even really materialism, but... knowledge and beauty and truth and wisdom that I appreciate seeing in physical forms. Whether it is a statue or a book or a song. 

I appreciate the heart of humanity inherent in each of these things. The soul behind the written words, the sculptor, the voice that sings, the creativity and skill of a film director and writer.

I appreciate all of the good and beautiful things that represent Truth in this world and resonance with creation.

Should that be a crime, I stand guilty.

But that is now coming to an end.

As I get my house in order and hope for it to sell.

Lord help me on this quest and may the God inside of myself find courage and reason to once again emerge from it's hidden burrow.

And point me to where I need to go.

Point me to where I can be used best.

Point me home.

I'm tired... can barely keep my eyes awake.

I am soon to call it a night.

Time for bed and hope for blessings.

A new day tomorrow is soon to be born.

And perhaps opportunity and blessings shall come.

Amen.

The New Abnormal

 As I write this, a video talking about how water wells are going to be regulated is playing in the background. Anyone with a private well is going to have to report their existence and the quantity of water being drawn so that it can be taxed and regulated in the state of California.

Earlier today I read about how the WEF wants to ban private ownership of vehicles so as to get those from the rural areas into the cities. This would sound absurd if I didn't already know that in Sri Lanka, gas is being rationed through a cell-phone app. It is no small leap to see that this could and likely will happen here at some point.

Pope Francis is in Alberta right now. Doesn't seem like much public interest in his arrival. The head chief of one of the tribes refused to acknowledge our great crime minister by walking straight past him as he partook in a truth and reconciliation meeting/ceremony of sorts. As he should.

And my hearing-aid practitioner knew a surprisingly amount of the details that I shared with her regarding what is happening and where I see everything going. No digital ID, no health-care, no gas, no place to live, no job.

To top it all off, my mother will not listen to reason. She is not persuaded by common-sense, logic or facts no matter what I tell her. Home prices are dropping, interest rates are rising, there are close to 200 properties for sale in the Fort Saskatchewan area with listings having been up for a two months or more. She will not lower the price to a reasonable level, telling me "not to worry" when I describe how serious the situation can be if we do not sell this place by the winter. Because who is going to be shopping for a new home in the wintertime?

I am... reaching the point of not caring anymore. I'm going to be filing for bankruptcy which means that my mother will have to pay the utilities on a meager income. Trying to tell her about how important it is that we sell this before the winter has no effect on her. This is the same woman that argued with me at the bank about wanting a variable interest rate mortgage for a 3 year term rather than going with a fixed 5 year at less than 2%.

I can't persuade her. She will not listen to me. She shuts down my concerns with "I don't want to talk about it" or changing the subject by saying "are those new socks you're wearing?"

Ridiculous. She is setting us up both to fail and only I seem to know it. But I am powerless. I cannot change her mind and she is not learning from how it has taken her over a year to sell her home because she priced it too high, despite both myself and two other realtors insisting it needs to come down in price.

Which it did, from $315,000 to the final sell price of $288k because she kept dropping the price three times.

And still, she refuses to learn from all that. This place is priced at $305k when it really is worth about $296k.

I can't wait around a year for this place to sell. Not when they are likely to raise interest rates even further and housing prices are collasping all over the country.

She is taking us to hell in a handbasket but who knows... maybe it will sell before November. Before the winter.

I don't know what to say anymore. My mother has never been an intelligent, thoughtful woman. She does not plan ahead. She does not look ahead, she does not keep herself informed or consider the facts.

Just tells me "don't worry" each time I bring up my concerns. Shuts me down every time.

Well, I am worried and I do not see a good future for either of us. She once phoned to tell me about how she was doing a lot of "thinking" and wants to move in. Changed her mind a week later.

And I am still fucking stressed but at the point where I really don't care anymore. I can't fight this. There is no point in ripping my hair out and screaming at the sky over things that I cannot control or being given a voice to speak towards. She will not let me have my voice. She will not listen to reason.

And this is where I'm... sad to admit that our lives are not going to end well with all of this garbage happening. Should we sell the house before November, I will be jubilant, but if I am filing for bankruptcy, I will be completely dependent on her. I may not even have a vehicle.

Or a place to put any of my stuff. 

And... a happy outcome is difficult for me to imagine throughout any of this. I can follow scenarios and possibilities and predict some things into the future with the information that I have been studying and learning about. Are interest rates likely to increase between now and November? Quite likely. Will home prices be even harder to afford? Absolutely.

But try telling my mother any of that. Instead, she'll say "are those new socks?" rather than take anything of what I say seriously.

This kind of disrespect and ignorance is... going to bury me. I can't imagine living with her for a prolonged period of time. This is a woman that changes her mind by the minute and makes decisions by the seat of her pants without any due consideration or deliberation.

I could be a banking expert or financial planner and it would make no difference. She does not respect my opinion, she is not swayed by facts.

And so it must be that we will be heading towards... well, something.

And... I honestly feel like leaving all this behind to go into the woods, set up a tent and take my chances out there because I at least can live with some measure of dignity for myself and preserve my mental health from someone who clearly has trouble managing her own.

This... is not the life that I expected to have. I have made mistakes, I have taken chances with my money and reached $200,000 in investments at one point but did not cash it in because I had a "feeling" that I could wait one more day before doing so. Instead, I didn't, despite the sincere gratitude I expressed towards the universe for having reached such a milestone. I did my best to listen to my heart and mind and faith and...

Here I am. On the verge of financial ruin. Stuck with a house filled with stuff that I am going to have difficulty removing and unlikely to keep should I declare bankruptcy and be forced to live with her.

All I'm glad is that my name is not on the title of this. But maybe, if it was, I could price the house accordingly so that it will sell quicker.

But that is not how it is.

I have a hard time respecting my mother for any of all this and it is no secret that she does not respect me. We have a pretend relationship. She hasn't respected me in a long time. If ever. No matter what I did or didn't do.

I wish I could talk to her like a normal human being. To appeal to her intelligence, to common sense, but... that is not the type of woman she is. She is content to spend her day watching game shows on TV, the Bachelor, 90 Day Fiance and... remaining oblivious to the crisis that looms before us. 

Telling me not to "worry" and changing the subject whenever it gets uncomfortable for her. 

Because she will not respond to facts. 

No matter what I say.

Perhaps her mind will change a few months into this. Maybe she will realize that I am right at some point and that the house should be priced lower. I live here, I know what I see and experience and can ascertain the value of something that I myself would be willing to pay for. 

And if I know her, her mind will start to change in a few months. But by then, it might be too late.

Who is going to move here in the winter? Who can afford a place like this?

Then again, a lot of people are moving here from other provinces. Perhaps they sold their homes in Ontario, BC and other such places to be able to afford one here.

I hope that this will be the case.

And that there are buyers out there, looking, even though I myself would prefer to wait it out for prices to drop further. Had it been me looking for a new home.

But maybe a miracle will happen. 

We will have to see.

There is so much stress in me right now. So much that I am growing numb as a response to it. Not feeling much. Not hoping for much. Not seeing a path to happiness knowing what I know now.

Maybe they will roll out emergency cheques or a universal basic income. If they lock us down again over Monkeypox or some other type of emergency, I'm not sure many Albertans will be able to survive the carnage that will result.

Especially over a cold winter.

Try being homeless in -40c weather.

And the numbers are growing by the day. I can see people on the street with humorless, tightly-drawn faces. No longer expressing the easy smiles and light in their eyes like they used to.

There are still people driving around, alone in their cars, with a mask on.

Walking outside even. 

In the end, I know that I would rather starve to death in the bush than to be controlled and enslaved by such corruption and immorality. Consenting to the new system is a quiet endorsement of the chaos that a small group of people have inflicted upon the world. 

If you can even call such psychopaths, "people".

In my mind, the image of a shirtless, smirking Elon Musk on the beach pops up. I'd never seen his upper body before but it reminded me so much of the same shape that Bill Gates has.

It's this unnatural, barrel-looking chest and stomach that looks extremely unhealthy and out of proportion.

I have heard many theories claiming that such figures are evil entities in disguise. Lizard people, basically, as crazy as it sounds but with what has been happening over the past few years, these type of theories have a way of proving themselves to be true.

All the crisis that is happening has been manufactured and planned long ago in advance.

The End Game as Alex Jones would call it.

The end of human freedom, dignity and critical thought.

I have moved past being worried sick about this but there are times when it hits me like a wave. 

And all I can think is that should I die prematurely, I do not think I can say that I have accomplished much with my life.

How would I report myself to be? How can I explain the way I behaved during my time on this planet?

I think about the past times when I truly felt myself to be filled with the spirit of a higher, more evolved form of consciousness and I genuinely felt as if I was Jesus himself in some of these moments. The best and worst of times.

I still pray every night... and in the end I know that death is not something to fear.

What I do fear is having wasted my life with little to show for it.

What I fear is being forced to become a rat on a treadmill going nowhere in life because all avenues towards happiness has been closed off.

You can't even find a woman on a dating app these days who is worthy of being called wife material, and that is assuming they would find me attractive enough to want to be with. A man with no employment, soon to be bankrupt, soon to live with his mother.

I showed mom some of the women that shows up in OkCupid as I swiped left through dozens who were extremely overweight, with dead lifeless eyes and a few posting pictures of themselves with masks on, as if they were somehow doing a good and virtuous service for the rest of us. 

They wear their ignorance with pride. They cannot see what is coming either.

Or how they have all been conned by this nonsense.

It is so easy for me to give up on humanity and I almost feel like I am at that point.

Perhaps I am there already but do not have the courage to admit it.

And should I admit it, I would also be admitting that there is no hope for us.

Not for me in starting a family, finding work that I enjoy doing and living life to the fullest.

Because the WEF is bending us to their whims. Turning us into slaves.

And closing off the exit as they watch from afar with amusement, hoping we will be at each other's throats.

As I drove around the northside of Edmonton spotting suspicious characters left and right and seeing a lone, solitary man walking far outside of the city going to who knows where -- I wonder how bad crime will become. If inflation continues, rent increases, taxes go up, insurance goes up, food prices go up...

Well... we're all going to go down and become a 3rd world nation like Cuba.

I've already been seeing a numerous amount of vehicles in poor condition on the streets., Windows covered with cardboard because the glass has been shattered and the owner unlikely able to afford a replacement. People driving around on the spare tire because, as I found out a few days ago, the cost of a tire has become prohibitively expensive for people to buy.

Imagine if someone slashed all four of your tires one day. The cost to replace them will be close to $2,000. 

Who is going to be able to afford $2,000 these days?

My mother complained about the cost of her car insurance and said she signed for a "one-way" plan where if something happens to her or her vehicle, compensation will not be awarded.

It's fucked up.

So fucking fucked up.

I found out from her today that people in Cuba cannot find beer for themselves. They no longer sell it in the stores (although rum is still available). And the resort employee she knows is saying that there was only 1 tourist on the beach for him to serve.

One tourist. 

Let that sink in for a moment. 

How is anyone able to earn a living wage for themselves?

What hope do they cling to?

What do they tell themselves so that they can sleep at night.

What do they tell their children when they cannot afford basic necessities?

When there is no future for them?

Should prophecy play out, the rise of the "anti-Christ" is likely to emerge with a solution.

Perhaps this is what will happen. A wiping out of debt and a universal basic income implemented.

But only if we use the app. 

And likely only if we've had our inoculations and have a high social credit score as a result of our obedience and not questioning the corruption behind our government and institutions.

There is going to be a lot of poverty. A lot of death. People will die in Germany from the cold because they cannot afford the fuel needed to heat their homes.

Assuming they even have a home.

So fucked up is this world.

I do not want to die knowing that I did little to help undo it. I feel responsible for the welfare of others more so than my own at times.

My mother pointed this out to me earlier as well.

"Worry about yourself! Don't care so much about other people!"

Maybe she's right, but still... 

I do care about other people.

I want us to get out from under this mess.

And yet I do not know how this can be.

I supposed we will have to wait.

And react to what comes next.

Just like animals being lead to the slaughterhouse, we each have to wait our turn before our eyes open wide enough to see what is being done ahead in the line.

It's not looking good.

God help us.

For the Truth must set us free.

There is nothing else that matters more in this spiritual battle we found ourselves in.

No weapon more potent.

And yet...

Yet...

We still march ourselves to the slaughter.

Out of fear.

The lowest level of faith.

Should I die without having achieved anything of merit, I will give voice to my helplessness and inability to be guided in the correct direction.

I will give voice to my heart, and reveal that good intentions were buried all along.

I will speak of my faith and loyalty and the events in my life that solidified them.

I will.

I will.

Endure for as long as I can.

In the New Abnormal.

A House of LIes

 I am sitting on my couch, listening to the whir of the refrigerator as well as the constant humming and throbbing of my neighbor's central air fan that is pointed at the side of my house and I am...

Weeping for myself and the world.

I'm going to go bankrupt. The house I live in belongs to my mother and she does not want to price it at a level where it could sell quickly. Similar duplexes in the area have been on the market for more than 2 months. The realtor is coming by Tuesday morning to take photographs and I am stressed.

I am so fucking stressed.

And I have no one to talk to. Not a soul.

Not one person anywhere in the world.

Except for God. 

And lately it feels that God has not been listening.

At the park earlier today as I escaped the constant cleaning and rearranging of furniture and... deciding what items I need to donate and what items to keep and... my mind just... paused at one point while I was sitting on a bench looking at the North Saskatchewan river flowing by.

I tried to release my thoughts from worry, to get off my phone from which I spend most of the day either reading depressing news or listening to podcasts that discuss depressing news but... 

It's so hard sometimes. Especially when I remember the world before 2020.

My childhood was memorable but... the things that I loved about it all seem to have gone away.

The cartoons, the movies, the music, the books, the television shows... What is being produced right now is nothing like it was. Nothing really inspires, teaches or presents itself with good and moral intentions. Sesame Street has Elmo pushing for little kids to get jabbed by a medical concoction that has been hurting and killing people all around the world. Many movies are dark, includes graphic sex and horrific scenes of violence and dehumanization. Popular music grinds down the soul by promoting money, drugs, sex and hedonism in subtle ways -- normalizing degradation of women and men, bringing humanity down to the level of a primitive beast.

These are the end times. The population is deliberately being reduced. While I could not believe that this was happening in the last year of 2021 and thought that humanity would find a way to "defeat" those that are responsible for all this, I am now believing that the resurgence of Nazi Germany is being deployed upon us on a global scale.

Everyone who did not get the vaccine is a "Jew" with the only difference being is that we don't have to wear yellow stars to signify and publicly display our religious beliefs. We now have smartphones with centralized health data that already knows who is and who isn't vaccinated. Who does and who does not support the covid lie that has been perpetuated on us.

World War 3 is now here and sometimes it is surreal enough for me to feel like I am watching a movie, not really participating in what is going on.

But as I sat there on the park bench listening to the crows squawk nearby, I realized that participation makes no difference. I am affected nonetheless just like many others will soon be if they are not already.

Only the Amish and those with resources enough to be able to live in the country in a self-sufficent way off-grid are able to insulate themselves from the takeover of the human race.

One of my considerations in the last year was deciding on a place to build a new life with and Cuba emerged as an immediate thought. As ludicrous as it sounds now, I thought that a third world country was vastly preferable to the tyranny being inflicted upon us in Canada.

A few days ago I watched a video and it seems that Cubans are experiencing a country-wide blackout of power and electricity. 

I thought about Nicaragua, Mexico, Poland... they all have their own unique set of challenges. I do not know enough Spanish or Polish to be able to function in a new country and should I be travelling by myself, it would be made ever the more harder to deal with to the point that I don't think a decision like this would end well. I likely would be robbed or taken advantage of and the new life I hoped for would not include a happy ending being a foreigner in a strange land.

It doesn't matter how much money I have or where I would go, every place is affected by this or soon will be.

Riots are occurring in Sri Lanka, Italy, the Netherlands, Ecuador, parts of Africa and with inflation growing worse and worse, the European Union, Canada, USA and other countries are unlikely to be spared the effect of this global extermination of the human race and the control centralized powers wish to exert over us.

I take it back, if I did have unlimited funds, I would move out into the bush and set up a homestead but... let's be honest, I wouldn't enjoy my time there alone. I would lose my mind.

People need people to be around with. To laugh and cry and make love to and have babies and grow spiritually, professionally, emotionally...

We are a social creature and cannot hope to isolate ourselves without experiencing a strain on our mental health. There would be no reason to live, nothing to hope for, should a single man like myself move into the woods and ignore the world for however long he can.

I am so alone. No one to talk to about any of this. My mother and I can only engage on a shallow and narrow spectrum of discussion because she refuses to see what I see. To hear my concerns and address them with any kind of insight that offers actionable value because... she does not have all the information that I have. She does not see what is happening and refuses to believe that it is.

When I told her that I might not be able to ever work due to needing a vaccination, her response was:

"Well then you'll have to get vaccinated!"

My God... those wicked people in power. Planning this for years. I don't think it is even Klaus Schwab and the WEF who is behind all this, no, that group is a front for more powerful influences that value anonymity and pull the strings of politicians the world over using money as bait and coercion as threat.

I cannot see a way for us out of this. Once digitial IDs and rationing happens, all in the name of "science" and "climate change", we are done. Finished. There will not even be a way to purchase fuel for our vehicles should our digital ID/passport/social credit denies us the right to do so for whatever reason of non-compliance or resistance that we offer.

Such dark times we are in. It is so hard to find hope in a world like this. It would take an unexpected miracle to pull off.

And perhaps that is what we are to expect next. 

But, as with everything else, even a miracle can be manipulated should the mainstream media decide not to report upon it.

How would we know, if Canadians will have their internet soon restricted and controlled by the passing of Bill C-11 that anything in the world reported upon is true? A miracle would have to escape the control mechanism that has infiltrated all of our institutions, government bodies and... 

I could go on and on about how hopeless it looks. What happens if we cannot get the truth? If the internet is restricted or censored? If a nuclear bomb went off in New York and the powers that be decide against it being reported, would we ever get to know?

If a resistance movement is successful in a certain part of the world, will we get to know?

If a terrible crime is committed or the rate of suicide dramatically increases, will we be given the facts? Can we trust the numbers presented to us as truth? Do the powers that be have ability and capability to be able to shut out this kind of information?

It seems like they do. Twitter, Facebook, Reddit... there are no safe havens online for men like me to freely converse upon without the feeling that all of my words are being recorded and scrutinized for key triggers that will prompt a human review, which will then label me in a certain way so that I may never be able to get employment, a house, a girlfriend, medical assistance, a rental property, food and so on.

If everything goes digital, we are DONE.

And it is the direction we are headed towards. Total surveillance through our smart phones and total control by artificial intelligence and algorithms.

There will come a time when we may not be able to investigate the truth for ourselves and instead are expected to accept a narrative and explanation provided for us by unelected figures of "authority".

Such darkness. Such madness and evil on this planet.

I have been reading up on all of this for over two years. Spending hours each day looking at the screen in my hands, realizing that any kind of dependency is a means of control and we are all being controlled whether we like it or not.

Not a single one of us can manufacture a car from scratch. Not a single one of us can refine and produce fuel outside of government control and regulation. 

And if that becomes controlled and payment is in digital dollars which can be tracked and allocated only to those who obey the "rules"; this then means no heat, no travel, no power.

No living.

Unless we are given permission to do any of the things we desire to do.

This is... the greatest evil perpetuated upon humanity since the beginning of our existence.

And... there is much that I felt guilty and shameful about as I sat on the park bench. The way I lived and loved was not how I wanted it to be. 

All those years of my life being enamored by technology, by media... books and songs and stories...

It's all coming down like the towers on 9/11.

And the majority of people do not appear to have critical thought enough to realize that something doesn't smell right or the foresight to see where this is all going.

Not only is humanity being threatened, coerced and controlled by deviant psychopaths who want to erase our cultural, national and gender identities, but many of us have unwittingly assisted these monsters in building the prison walls that are forming around our souls.

Because let's face it, most everything is controlled by technology these days and when technology restricts or bans certain undesirables from using it; it wields the power of life and death. Over our means to get a job, to pursue a meaningful career, to find a lover, a spouse, to have children and raise them to feel optimistic and excited about the future... It's all connected to technology at some level and such technology is being controlled in the hands of a very tiny few.

I weep for this world, as I stuff a handful of chocolate almonds into my mouth, knowing well that these candies may no longer exist at a certain time in the future or become prohibitively expensive to buy.

All I can do is let the numbness take over and try not to deny myself some of the things that I enjoy consuming.

There is no future for us here. Even the most obedient among us will revolt at some point, realizing that such a system of control is unnatural and avenues to realize one's happiness will come at a hefty price.

There are 36 "smart" cities planned by the World Economic Forum and the only one in Canada will be Toronto.

The rest of this country will be taken to their knees. By way of vaccine injuries, civil war, poverty, homelessness or all and many combinations of the above.

I feel so tired writing about all this. There is no hope for us.

No hope but a miracle.

Please God, should you be good and merciful.

Hear the cries among us who knows the truth.

We must be delivered from this evil.

We must.

For then there shall be no reason or way for us to live.

There will be no hope.

Humanity will be finished.

I feel like this is the last "normal" summer of our lives.

I...

...I 

I have no words left in these fingers of mine.

My eyes are tired, my heart weary, my mind blank.

...

and still.. I know I went through this life with the best of intentions.

Even if I didn't accomplish much.

I am grateful for the good times that I had.

But I hate how we've all become.

I loathe those who refuse to think, to question, to examine.

Those that do not desire truth will be fed a dish of lies.

Until they realize themselves of an empty stomach, hungry once more.

For something better.

...

I am tired.

I feel soulless.

Heavy.

I don't know how to conclude this post.

It is dark outside. Cloudy skies. Noisy traffic going by.

It is what it is.

A Concrete Block On My Back

 There are no monkeys on anyone's backs now. It's concrete. Heavy concrete blocks that are weighing each of us Truth tellers down.

 Because what is happening right now in this country and in most parts of the world is a heavy and horrific burden to bear.

Today as I sat by the North Saskatchewan river feeling the sun against my skin, my mind welcomed the brief recess I'd given towards consuming news articles, videos and podcasts on my phone.

My thoughts wandered and turned to thinking about the precipice that humanity as found itself upon.

We are living in dangerous times. All institutions of value and influence has been compromised, captured or otherwise taken out of commission.

Social media is an unreliable source of news, censorship abounds, Steve Bannon was found guilty of contempt towards congress for his refusal to become a political pawn.

And yet, he has become one. Two years in jail is the maximum sentence with sentencing scheduled to happen in October.

Tamara Lich continues to languish in jail. Yet oddly enough, Artur Pavlovsky the Canadian preacher who went viral for yelling at the "gestapo" (Alberta Health Services) to leave church services that they have intruded upon.

And the people who were escorted into the capital building on Jan 6th are still in jail a year and a half later.

It has become beyond obvious at this point. Corruption in government, in health care, in media and corporations has reached levels that appear to be beyond repair.

Humanity is being forced against it's will into a new paradigm. One where we will be eating bugs and will no longer be happy.

Because at that point, all freedom is lost. We will be tracked from birth to death with everything known about us. What we eat. What our preferences are. What type of media we consume, what we think.

And...

It is very hard for me to find a silver lining in any of all this. A glimmer of hope. A chance to reverse all this damage and restore trust and faith in our institutions.

When human rights activists around the world turn a blind eye to the forced inoculation of billions of people on the planet, you know that society has given up its backbone and freedom will be a word that our children will have difficulty in imagining the meaning and experience of.

From birth to death.

A part of me is wanting to say, "well, quite a pickle we got ourselves into" in a way that keeps the door open for some recourse or lesson to be learned before society returns to normal.

It does not look like society will be returning to normal anytime soon.

We are being pushed towards the technocratic new world order where a small handful of individuals hold the keys to what we can and cannot do on this planet.

It seems, as I sat by the river looking out into the distance, that there will no longer be a point to living if we are not free to go about our lives unimpeded. We will have become slaves to a system that was meant to serve us and is now working to enrich the psychopaths who have installed themselves into the highest seats of power.

The less than 1% controlling 99% of the rest of us.

Whitesnake "Here I Go Again" is playing on my headphones as I write this. I have not listened to music for any meaningful length of time in the past couple of months. If not longer.

I am being reminded of days past that are no longer with us and unlikely to emerge again. For who knows how long.

Until humanity finds reason to be optimistic again, I suppose. Until we are free.

Stargate the movie spoke of aliens and their technology having enslaved us thousands of years ago. Eventually at the end, humanity pulls together and with the help of James Wood and Kurt Russell, finds their freedom restored.

Is this real life? Or is it a fantasy?

We're caught in a landslide going down to the bottom of the mud pit. 

And it will not be easy to extricate ourselves from this mess.

What's worse, it seems at least half the population is asleep to all that is going on and the ramifications of such evil being allowed free reign. 

But... it almost seems like they deserve such a fate for not being able to exercise discernment.

9/11 was the wake-up call. The test to see just how oblivious people are and how effective propaganda can be in presenting a false narrative that many shrug their shoulders and end up accepting. 

That collective shrug of shoulders is what got us here.

My heart and soul has finished weeping for their fate. There is not much anyone can do to help the sleepers awaken to what is going on. It has been over two years and each day something new is reported on that further closes the walls of our cell, resembling much the scene from A New Hope where Luke, Leia, Hans and Chewie are in the garbage compactor fighting with all of their strength to keep from getting crushed.

Except in this case, a good amount of people are not fighting with all of their strength. It almost seems as if they are simply sitting on the floor watching the few of us look upon them with disbelief at their unwillingness to turn the tides of their fate.

It seems that they choose to give up on humanity by giving up on themselves. By not exercising the gift of discernment which apparently, many have not developed to a degree sufficient enough to warrant a massive outrage against those responsible for the crisis we have found ourselves in.

Lord help us Jesus. Our souls are in your hands.

...and I cannot help but flinch inwardly as the brief recollection of past experiences flitter across my mind. 

Because there was more than 1 occasion that I felt myself to be that man crucified on the cross. Feeling as he felt. Thinking as he thought.

Loving as he loved.

His Father, who art in Heaven.

And with all I have studied and learned over the years, I feel like the Truth of our reality is emerging from its hidden depths as billions of us are being enslaved by a small group of power-hungry, psychopathic deviant tyrants.

That concrete block weighing down on my mind continues to press itself.

Harder and harder with each passing day.

Fear is the lowest level of faith.

May we experience the hand of God Himself at our side as we navigate this troubled, evil world.

May God save us.

For there would be no reason left to exist if he did not do so.

Survival of the fittest is a lie.

Truth can never be destroyed.

It will always find a way.

In this life or the next.

...

For there would be no reason to be.

If Truth was not upheld by a divine hand.,

For it would prove that divinity cannot exist should it fail to render aid at a time when help is most needed.

And that is the scariest part.

Fear is the lowest level of faith.

And we are immortal beings.

Let us go forth with sadness but with conviction and service of the Truth.

An empire of lies cannot last for long.

Before it crumbles.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go for good.

New Day New Dawn

 Two years. It has been two years of being at home, without work and watching the beginning of the world catching on fire.

It can be hard to bear at times, such as tonight, right now as I feel the urge to type about what has been going through my mind. To organize loose thoughts, connect ideas, lay out a plan and means of survival for the future.

Just an hour ago I was in bed scrolling through Twitter and saw a post by Jordan Peterson expressing unusual displeasure at a Canadian bill being considered in the senate called Bill C-11.

This bill is about internet censorship in Canada. As far as I can tell, it also looks like privacy might be compromised among those that access internet sites which may not be in line with the "official" narrative of what Justin Trudeau, the Liberals, the New Democratic Party and the World Economic Forum wants.

They want control. Complete control over everyone. 

And, this spurred me onto other thoughts and news I had consumed earlier in the day. Prior to the tweet, I had been listening to Charlie Robinson of Microaggressions talking about what is going on with drag queen story hour and how pedophilia is being normalized in schools and universities.

It is a terrible evil that has been unleashed upon the American and Canadian public.

It is even more so, should terrible news outside of the country fail to make it inside of our borders for us to know about. How will we receive news that could be of critical importance and understanding if certain news sources are blocked within Canadian jurisdiction? Should a catastrophe befall a certain country, nation or person that threatens the "official" narrative, how would we know of it? Would we be living in ignorance? Oblivious to the going-ons of the world outside of Canada? Or not being able to access truthful and factual information, simply because it is damaging to the political ruling class?

When the RCMP commissioner at the time of the deadly Nova Scotia shootings two years ago, today, was found out to have acted upon a political decision in her characterization and handling of the incident upon request by the PM office; it is extremely concerning so see how easily people are manipulated into acting in unlawful and unethical ways, simply to advance an agenda.

It's events like the shooting at Ulvade in the States that draws attention to the state of law and order in both countries. The mainstream state media is given directive to cast the incident in the most horrifying light possible and strangely enough, legislation is soon tabled with further restrictions in place for Canadians and Americans. Red flag laws for America, handgun ban for Canadians.

It truly is an evil being unleashed upon the Western Hemisphere. Upon us. Good and innocent people who grew up in a world that seemed chaotic but fair. A world where humanity expressed love and faith through songs, books, movies and art. 

I don't see much of what it used to be, these days. Not much of how it was at all when I was a young boy happily looking forward to activities that today's children are unable to experience in the same way that I did. 

The 1980s were an imperfect decade, as all of them were, but culturally it was rich and filled with promise. Rock stars sold out giant stadiums filled with adoring fans all clustered together and cheering with no regard for viruses or social-distancing or anyone dehumanizing themselves by wearing a mask.

I miss those days. Eating sugary cereal from a big bowl with a wooden spoon in front of the television watching the Smurfs. The WWF and Stampede Wrestling. Video Hits and MTV where music videos was all that was on. 24/7.

The hair, the clothes, the attitude and beliefs. Humanity and America were once defined by the opulence and style of each of the decades. America's greatest export has always been culture. From Elvis Presley to Ronald Reagan, NBA basketball and Kanye West; American values and ideals were all represented through various mediums and public figures. 

And now, the soul of humanity itself appears to be tested in these times, as the 2020s will hereafter be forever known as the "covid-19" years where hysterics and accompanying legislation were produced to the effect of wrecking the global economy in exchange for keeping us "safe" from a virus that originally had a less than 2% mortality rate with the majority of deaths occurring in otherwise unhealthy people with several other health conditions sensitive to the effect of respiratory illness and disease.

As I lay here on the couch, looking at the time past midnight and feeling quite awake; I feel a clarity that somehow permeates my spirit. There were moments when I followed my thoughts about the various news items of the day to their logical conclusions and felt the potential of fear intruding upon my heart, threatening to coat it in a thick slime that hardens to the plight of the world.

But I have dealt with fear before. There is no point to any of it. Living with fear is different than living with preparedness. With faith and divine guidance, we are often lead to consider destinations and avenues of growth that heretofore may have remained unknown to us. We are presented with the simple choice of do or do not. Do we do? Or do not? 

Each step and thought preceding it stems from one's interpretation of the data the world presents and the individual place within it. Who am I? Why am I here? What am I meant to do? Are some of the questions that have shaped and oriented our lives. 

And for these inquiries, access to the wisdom of the heart often fulfills what news websites and social media cannot. 

When I feel moments of helplessness and compassion for the most of us who are affected; I tend to smoke like a chimney. I'll go outside every 20 minutes for a cigarette to get a break from the information I am digesting online. School shootings and gun legislation, Sri Lanka going bankrupt, China using covid-health apps to restrict the ability of citizens to withdraw money from the banks.

It all piles up and weighs upon me.

Until I step outside, look around, and see that the world is still standing. The sun is still shining. The breeze is still blowing.

The world as beautiful as it always was.

And when I breath in the distinct smell of a forthcoming rain, I feel charged, alive and a part of the human experience that does not include political affiliation as a requisite for the enjoyment of life.

The life that I have been given by the Creator, to do as must be done. 

To realize the purpose that each of us have are expected to fulfill.

To that, I wish you well dear reader, should you be experiencing similar concerns and thoughts.

Let the Truth guide our way.

In a new day and dawn.

Until the end of time.

Bless.