As the title says, we're so close to the American elections right now and I really am wondering how the world will change once we get the results.
A lot of people think elections don't matter. That they're rigged. That Donald Trump is "selected" not "elected" and I don't know what to say about all that. It is curious how he got elected in the first place when the polls had Hilary far ahead in the lead.
There are two explanations for this, one is that DJT was "selected" and the electoral college bowed down to the whims of its globalist masters.
The other explanation is that DJT really was elected and this is the man that the people want.
Still though, I have no idea what is going to happen. Honestly I am surprised that this man is still alive given that he seems to be such a threat to globalism, the deep state and multinational big tech corporations. You would think he is too good to be true, but maybe he is true. Maybe he is legit and sincere.
That's the tricky part about all of what is going on. Do we have a genuine ray of hope to latch onto with all this BS in the world? Is DJT the savior? One thing about all this is that given the obvious amount of evil and corruption in this world, it almost seems like an impossibility for a man like DJT to even exist. But he does, and the question really is if he is the real deal.
In the almost four years since he's been elected, it seems like he's doing a great job. I don't see any policies being passed that hands over more power to Big Tech and the Pharma industry, although I see an increased amount of military spending which may well be necessary to have to have done. So he at least threw the military industrial complex a bone, but it might have been a needed one if as he said, stockpiles of ammunition was next to non-existent.
So these are trying times. Nail-biting times. And to be blunt, feels like the end times.
There is this book I came across at a thrift shop called "Trumpocalypse" which goes into detail about how Trump is pre-ordained by God and is the only man in the way of a New World Order being established. I can see this. What is particularly interesting is that the book came out a couple of years ago and has only proven its case more strongly since it's publication.
But I don't know how it will all shake out. If Biden gets elected, it seems like America will be going down the tubes. However, maybe that is what needs to happen before people wake up.
On the other hand, if DJT gets re-elected, maybe America will actually be made great again.
Last night as I was praying, I thought about what the plan is for all of us. There is no doubt that God exists and that humanity is on the verge of either radical transformation or technocratic tyranny. It seems like 2020 is the year of seeing clearly with 20/20 vision. What seems to be evident is how black and white things have been getting and it is much easier to choose a side than ever before.
Either you side with fear and anger, or you believe in goodness, love and truthfulness.
Many of the Democrats are on the side of fear and anger. As are the big media and tech corporations.
I know that we are under attack. If America falls, so will Canada. So will the idea of democracy in general. All without firing a single bullet. Subversion from within and without.
It is demoralizing to witness the rioting committed in the name of Black Lives Matter when we see no protesting happening for those killed by black on black violence in dangerous areas of Chicago that far out number however many die from police brutality these days.
People are being trained to be reactive, and not to think critically. This is dangerous on so many levels.
The question with this upcoming election is now about determining how many people are able to look past the fake news and propaganda. How many of us are willing to reject the technocratic narrative in favor of what we know to be in our hearts?
These are historical times. It is so easy to see the end of the world should ballot stuffing, media manipulation and foreign political influences manage to get Biden into office. But perhaps even if that were to happen, it wouldn't be as bad as... oh, who am I kidding. It would be bad if he got in.
So we'll see. I am taking today off from looking at any news or podcasts, videos, etc. Sunday is my digital detox day and although I'm typing this out on my laptop, I'll not be scrolling through my phone looking for the next dopamine hit. Just going to try and get myself centered and rejuvenated.
There is also more drama with Fola... ugh. I am so frustrated and confused by her. She has been telling me about this dinner that she was going to make for me and... well, it doesn't look like its happening.
I really don't know what to say about her other than it seems like she does not want us to have a happy relationship without putting any effort into it. Just excuses after excuses. But she sure appreciates the efforts that I put into it. That goes without saying.
So a part of me is wondering why am I still going along with this. Do I hate myself this much? Do I not deserve to be loved in a way that leaves little room for doubt? Am I sabotaging myself somehow? Do I deserve to be punished and disrespected like this?
That is why I got angry with her yesterday. You can't make a big deal about cooking a dinner for someone and then making excuses for not having to do it. Then she gets upset that I get upset... Although I feel my reaction is justified as I will not stand for being disrespected.
And yet, I allow her to get away with this behavior time and time again.
This makes me wonder just how afraid I am of being alone. Maybe that's all it is why that I am still in this "relationship" with her although she doesn't know if we are even in a relationship...
Honestly... she is not a bright individual. She is not compassionate, not very thoughtful or considerate... Just... a hedonist who feels entitled to my affections without having to give anything much in return.
And I feel like she genuinely wants to be abused. No surprise given what her upbringing was like. Big time daddy issues where she doesn't feel loved unless she's being yelled at.
What a messed up relationship we have.
But I believe that it can be overcome. It's hard. But can be done.
And maybe I am an idiot for believing in the possibility of her being healed from all of her BS because after three years, I am still seeing some of the same old issues coming up between us.
I know I deserve better but...
Yeah... I don't know what that but is for. I can sense a wall come up whenever I get close to the truth of what this actually all is. Maybe I am supposed to break free from her and believe in my being deserving of love. Not this facsimile of it. This pretend version of what she thinks love is supposed to look like.
It's not love to tease someone with "I miss you, I want to fuck you" etc... and then show up at her place where she goes onto her laptop and ignores what was said only hours ago.
I crave physical connection and she knows this. It sure isn't fun sitting next to her while she's on a laptop for over an hour, hoping she will be affectionate once she's done.
Talk about feeling like a piece of shit when a computer rivals my value.
Just wasting my time... it seems.
Anyways...
I do deserve love and I get these small tastes of it from her. Maybe that's why I am so reluctant to let go because then I'll have nothing.
So maybe that scares me.
I know who it is that I want and I plan on sending her a letter. I hope it achieves something.
I hope Lena will respond.
It's not something I am pinning my hopes on, but its worth a try.
I do believe in God but I am not sure what His plan is for me.
Sometimes what I want and what I need are two different things.
But I know what I want.
And I will continue praying until I get it.
Even if it may lead to the end of the world without my having received it.
At least then, I can enter the afterlife and say that I have tried and failed. That I've done my best to keep faith alive.
And whatever shall be, will be.
Well... Let's hope that it won't come to this.
A happy ending is a real possibility, despite how society seems to be splitting at the seams.
I believe in God. I believe that I know who I am.
And I deserve so much more than this.
We'll see...God works in mysterious ways.
And... I've seen little miracles here and there.
So we'll see.
Anyways...
Off I go.
