Yes, I am speaking of a psychic. Not just any psychic, but a FLEA MARKET psychic. Those ones are particularly sensitive to the vibirational frequency of chakras mingling about looking at items that even Value Village would balk at putting up for sale.
It all started with me carrying a nice, warm cup of coffee past a stall with newspaper articles pasted all around it. As I glanced about, noticing it was empty -- I took a look at some of the headlines. Psychic helps Crimestoppers, psychic fire-walks and as I was perusing one in particular about Egypt, a lady came from behind and said, "You should try her. She's good."
Now, it took me a few seconds to register that this was the psychic. Psychic Ana to be exact, who engaged me immediately by rattling off her credentials. Over 30 years experience, success at predicting a lottery winner, helped solve crime, judges/lawyers lined up to see her, etc. etc.
I tried taking all this with a grain of salt, but realized that a grain wouldn't be enough. I'd need the whole damned shaker to swallow down some of the testimonials she was giving me.
But, I was bored and she seemed intriguing so I sat down for a session. Twenty-five bucks. At first I considered pulling the old "I only have 20, is that okay?" trick of negotiating at a flea market; but thought against it.
As I sat across from her, expecting a crystal ball or tarot cards, I was surprised to see runestones dropped on the table. First time I've seen anyone use those.
As Psychic Ana surveyed the blocks, I held onto my poker face, betraying no emotion so that I could better nullify any cold readings that she may be compelled to give. The first thing that came out, was that she sensed insecurity within me. And that whenever I manage to get past that, I "shine". This is something I can agree with, I'm selectively social and I think this might apply to any introvert. Not a bad assessment, but nothing revelatory.
Next up, she asked me what I did for a living. My immediate thought was, "shouldn't you know that already" but sadly, it slipped through my mouth anyways. Good thing it was delivered with a smile and a quick answer before she could feel insulted by my skepticism.
Once I told her I was in construction, she then asked what I'm passionate about. Again, wouldn't a psychic have some guesses about that? So, I paused briefly and pretended like I had a casual interest in writing. Hell if I was going to let my eyes light up and say, "I lovvvvveeee to write! I'm writing a book!" she'd probably tell me I was going to be the next Stephen King.
Flipping the stones around, she looked up at me with a smile and said that in two years I'd become very successful with writing as a career. I expressed immediate doubt about that, though I badly desire to be successful with getting a book published -- so I nodded attentively, pretending that I've only a marginal interest in the idea.
This was around where she raised her finger in the air and traced out a line from left to right, saying that she sensed me to be on the same "level" as Stephen King. I almost blurted out laughing, but politely responded with a restrained look of amusement.
"He's had quite a career. Over fifty books." I answered.
She again traced that line out in the air and said, "I don't know anything about Stephen King, I've never read his books, but I sense you are on the same level as Stephen King."
This was interesting to me, because while I do admire SK's style of writing; I can't say that the horror genre is what I'm most interested in exploring with my work. Had she mentioned a more obscure author, I may have been inclined to consider the comparison, but Stephen King? Come on. At least she didn't say Proust, or Hemingway.
Next up was the relationship portion, which to me is the most important. I deeply desire to find the right person to spend the rest of my life with and at one point, several weeks ago -- I considered putting my writing on hold in order to focus on the search. So, my ears perked up at this moment.
She then asked, "are you in a relationship right now?" and I'm like.. what the hell.. shouldn't she know this? But I responded that yes I was involved with someone whom I met last weekend (Ashley). She then said, "I really like this girl".
Immediately after those words, I felt it was all b.s. I don't think Ashley and I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting into anything long-term. She is far from my type and I am none too happy about playing the father figure to someone much younger than I am. As friends, sure, we might work out -- but lovers? husband and wife? Heck no.
I couldn't resist pointing all this out. Saying that I wanted someone on equal terms who can challenge and bring out the best of me. Someone that I wouldn't have to mentor, or coddle. Someone inspiring. Affectionate. Loving. Complementary.
Of course, this rattled Psychic Ana a little and she reiterated saying, "well, I kinda like this girl" .. the "kinda" pretty much did her in at that point. I wonder what would have happened had I told her I was a flaming homosexual and hated women. I'd loved to see her reaction.
Then she said I would be married within five years with a child. "I see you with a ring on your finger and a child." To which I admit, is a realistic enough prediction given that there's five years ahead of me.
The Q&A came after that. I asked where should I start with my book, and while she didn't tell me anything specific enough to work off of -- she did mention that I am at my best when I lose myself in my work. Hmmph. Okay.
When I said I wanted to prioritize a relationship over writing, she immediately said for me to focus on writing instead. Forget the relationship. That kind of sucked but maybe she has a point. Being focused on a relationship diverts energy that could be used on writing, and perhaps I need to adopt a more casual attitude towards dating instead of checking messages on three different dating websites every ten minutes :P
So, ultimately it came down to "good things will happen in two years with your writing. stay focused on that. you'll be married with a child within five and you're comparable to Stephen King."
She also predicted a big move in the next couple of years. Again, it's a good possibility.
As I handed over a fifty, feeling uncomfortable and slightly cheated -- she placed a hundred dollar bill in front of me. Huh. That's some change. I pointed it out and she quickly apologized. Oh well.
My dear readers, mark this date. Two years until the book and five for marriage. Ana made me promise to see her once I get the book published and give her an autographed copy.
If that doesn't pan out, I'll be sure to visit her anyways and ask if my hand smells like chloroform.
Thank you Psychic Ana. I hope you're right about all this. Or some of it anyways.
