Gahh, I'm starting to regret this whole sleeping with fat chicks thing I've started. I dont mean to imply that they are worth any less than the fistful of Canadian Tire money I have scrunched away in my wallet, but they're just a pain in the ass.
Which gives me a segue. The girl I'm "dating" is a gay man in a woman's body. I don't know if its something I fell asleep in sex ed over, but is it normal for guys to want women playing with their poopchutes? This girl apparently thinks so. Here are some choice quotes:
"how do you know you won't like it?"
"the last guy I was with LOVED it" (dildo)
"there's more erogenous zones around a guy's bum then anywhere else!"
"I'm interested in exploring, pushing the boundaries..."
after I said I'd probably would never want a pink floppy dildo up my cocoa tunnel and that I wasn't quite on her level yet:
"so when will that be?"
I have to constantly be on guard for an object going up the one-way street of my anus. Its not fun. What if she surprises me with a curling iron up there? There just isn't enough therapy in the world to get over something like that.
Then you have the complication of seperating sex from love which I find difficult to do. For me I realize that I have to want to be with the person if I'm going to let them touch my naughty bits. So you have this relationship which is like this completely boring thing that only gets interesting during sex, but once thats done, then what? You massacre millions of friendly sperm people, put your pants on and go home.
Now is this really worth it? I rarely feel happy about the two minutes it takes for me to get off but even though this is completely 100% free no-strings sex, I don't know if its even worth it. After I'm done, I just end up feeling guilty about it, even though I'm pretty damn sure I'm the victim here.
So I'm starting to think of how I can comfortably dissolve this 'relationship' without any hard feelings. Its a little hard to do when you have text messages like these coming to you at all hours of the day:
"you totally want me"
"morning, did you sleep well?"
"are you thinking of my boobs?"
"can you come over right now?"
"Oh good. Iwill get out the lube ;)"
"I don't have aids you stupid homo"
It also doesn't seem to matter what I write back half the time. At one point I suggested rather diplomatically that she get off on a large vegetable of her choice. But it appears that an English cucumber is no match for my tiny pencil-sized penis.
I realize she's lonely, sad and wants companionship as I do but not having any chemistry with someone just makes it awkward and weird. The fact that she's very open about shoving things up my ass just makes it even more uncomfortable when I try to splooge on her boobs without feeling like I'm degrading her.
I wish I could say she's a nice person, but some of her mannerisms just reeks of privilege and expecting people to do all the work. Its not fun giving her a foot massage that she says "you're really good at it" and getting a woefully mediocre one in return. I also feel like such an idiot when I'm laying in her bed and she says "you are so sexy... I love the way your ass looks, I love how you feel inside of me..." and I'm stuck there thinking.. "uhm... you have nice hair". Of course she's a good looking girl from the neck up but I honestly can't find much about her that turns me on. I am so going to hell for this.
*sighs* I never thought I'd complain about having a girl wanting this much sex out of me, but but.. arghhhhhhhhhhhh. I think I'm going back to putting lipstick around the edge of my hand and making love to myself. This just sucks, and I'm only going to have sex with her ONE more time before I break things off for good! I think I mean it too!
