I'm so tired of all this. I keep saying it over and over. I want to go home, I want to go home, I want to go home.
But where is home? It's not where I currently am living. Under the same roof with my mother.
It's pathetic how my life has turned out. All those years of working to build up nearly 100k in credit and it's all about go down the drain from a bankruptcy.
All because I "listened" to my heart... or thought I did, and didn't immediately cash out my stocks at the time I should have. When I had 200k in my portfolio, 10k short of my goal.
I remember those times well. My life changed in two days. That's how short of a window of time it was.
If I knew then what I knew now... well, things would be a lot different.
I don't belong here in this place. I'm feeling like its all done with. Where's the bright future for any of us on the horizon? Is there even a decent future to look forward to?
Music is not the same as it was. Neither are movies or television shows. No heart in them. Most have agendas attached or scripts that appear to have been written by an artificial intelligence.
I've seen a while ago that a fellow is selling AI-generated books for children. How sad is that? The death of human creativity and people are gleefully cashing in on it.
Everything good is going to shit.
And it's all by design. Which most people aren't paying any attention towards. Choosing instead to live in their little bubble, forgetting the importance of learning why they are here and who is pulling the strings of this place.
I'm embarrassed by what humanity has become. By what I've become.
Just about every channel on my YouTube feed is of someone prepping or talking about prepping or how the world is on the verge of collapse. Nothing else is being talked about because there's nothing else to be interested in. Nothing else is more important than what is going on geopolitically right now.
Our lives are heading towards a paradigm shift of massive proportions and ...
I'm not prepared for any of it despite knowing all this three years ago it was going to get bad.
Now it's even worse. No money at all. No job. Living with my mother.
No place to call my own. No privacy.
I can't see a future worth living for other than with a woman that I love.
And I don't know if I love her yet.
92 more days to go and we will see.
If it doesn't work out...
Well, what's the point of even being here.
Is it worth living as a slave? Take all the recommended DNA-altering shots? Abiding by a cashless social-credit system? Eat bugs? Be priced out of ever owning a home? Own nothing and be happy?
The picture being painted by the powers that be is stark and without ambiguity. They want to control humanity. It really is not hyperbole. If there are videos about monitoring the brainwaves of people at work so that they don't commit crimes, well what else is it if it isn't about control? About servitude?
As a child I was fascinated by the book of Revelation. Didn't think I'd be living it in my lifetime.
At the same time, how much have we been lied to? Including about religion and who wrote these gospels we are expected to put complete faith into?
So many lies in this world. So much deception being pushed out. Everyday is a new catastrophe or event designed to scare, to destabilize, to control, take over, manipulate.
These are either the end times as prophesized or the "ruler" of this world is following a blueprint and its the book of Revelation.
Why aren't our world "leaders" at all concerned about what is going on? Why are they so gleefully executing the agenda without a thought given towards spiritual consequence?
I think I know why.
How did I end up here? What is my role to play? Two years ago I had prepared in advance of most people. I could see hard times were going to come. Stocked up on food, gold, silver, crypto...
And now I have almost nothing.
Nothing but the hopes hanging on a woman coming to see me in July.
Well...
I also still believe in God our Father.
The TRUE Father... who is accompanied by the Holy Spirit (Mother) and the Son (child) that compromises the Trinity which is the basic structure of how duality in this system works. Black, white and grey, positive, negative and neutral.
And yet though I cling onto the tattered remnants of my faith, I... can't help but wonder why this is all allowed to happen. Is it because... on a personal level, is it because I was misled? Deceived? That perhaps this place I am in is not ruled by a benevolent entity and is instead...
Ruled by the devil himself?
This is what Jesus spoke of in the book, how he was tempted by Satan who brought him to a hilltop and showed him all the kingdoms of the world saying that it would all be his if he would bow down before him.
Interestingly, as much as religion is marred by corruption and deception, I am believing this part.
Christ said for us to be in this world, not of it. Do not attach ourselves to anything material, all of which is but temporary and meaningless in the grand scheme of things.
I recall how I clung onto the material when I had my old place. How I prepped.
And yet...
Was I not ensuring my own survival and safety?
Why has it all been taken away?
What have I done to deserve such a fate?
I remember well those two days. I did my best. Prayed with intensity and gratitude and with complete faith.
And this is where I ended up.
With my mother.
And prayers that appear to be going unanswered.
Despite all this and unlike Job, I will not curse or complain about the Father who has given me the spark of life within. Despite how my consciousness has shrunk from how it was, my hopes and dreams shattered, I cannot bring it within me to curse where I directed and placed my faith.
I'm so tired of all this. This world is insane and the people who are oblivious are even more deranged than they know.
Yesterday I saw a homeless person dig through the garbage looking for food. His bare ass was hanging out of his pants.
This world is... Not what it could and should be.
We are... and have been for centuries, manipulated into the circumstances we presently are in.
Any good historian worth his/her salt knows that history is written by the victors. The two World Wars are not what we are told they were. Their true purpose obscured and excluded from the history books.
But there are fragments of truth scattered about enough to piece together the big picture.
I think of William Bramley who wrote "Gods of Eden" and ... his hypothesis is convincing and likely highly accurate of who really runs this place.
If one is in hell, how would they know? How can they get out?
Jesus, whether a real or literary figure offers advice. The Nag Hammadi texts offered further insight into what he was actually here for. To teach us the way out of this hell we're in.
Love was his overarching message but really, it was about liberating ourselves. From attachments, from desires of the flesh and the flesh itself.
For we are all sons and daughters of God. The church has lied to us about his message. It does not explore it in the detail it requires. Nor does it allow for any of the books inside the library of the Vatican to be released to the public. Why is that? In this digital age one can scan and release ALL of what it contains.
But they won't because they are hiding the truth. They do not want it known.
Look at the Vatican hall. It resembles a serpent with eyes and fangs.
This place is hell.
Yet...
The Father is above all of this. Waiting for us to return home.
Even the most wretched among us can walk into the gates of heaven should they be of sufficient desire and faith enough to reach it.
Still though, the Cathars were onto something. They knew early on that the Christ as taught by the church was not the true Christ that they have known it to be.
I personally think of Christ as a spirit able to occupy the hearts of mankind. Jesus was the vehicle for such energy to express itself out into the world. He was perfect for this expression alone.
And I myself have experienced such energies.
Yet... As I sit on my mother's couch typing away my thoughts, I have never felt so absent and disconnected from these energies and the world around me that I cannot find much reason to be here for much longer.
Except.. for the possibility of finding love.
As pathetic as it sounds. All I care about is... loving and being loved.
That's it.
I should care about money. About independence. About navigating this world well enough to seize advantage and to spread out my blessings and gifts to the world. To help heal and elevate and transmute.
Yet... here I am on my mother's couch typing away.
Perhaps someone is reading this. Perhaps none are at all.
Just know this. Regardless of what happens in the world, we do not belong here. We belong elsewhere. Somewhere perfect and without flaw or blemish. A reality that respects existence and gives it purpose and meaning without having our minds erased between incarnations on this planet.
If it is even a planet.
Did we ever go to the moon? No. There is too much evidence against it.
So why the lie?
Because if we knew what this place really is, we would be horrified and unite amongst ourselves to banish that which is pulling the strings of the wealthy and powerful to do its bidding.
If we KNEW humanity had the cure for cancer or that free energy is possible and previously was used, we would demand such technologies be released. We would not stifle and suppress and coerce or threaten those who have made such important discoveries.
But we cannot, for we are ants and we have been divided up into so many pieces that unification despite our great numbers, is difficult to attain.
Had we listened to the words of Jesus and valued love, truth, beauty, compassion, prosperity, justice and freedom; we would not have allowed such evil to infiltrate the upper echelons on the hierarchal pyramid of power that is controlling this place.
He who has the money makes the rules.
That's all it is.
Anyone who is a threat that somehow manages to make it to a high level of influence and power WILL get approach and dealt with if they choose not to play ball.
This by itself means... We cannot rely on a single individual to save us.
We must save ourselves.
At the same time, save ourselves for what?
For more heartache, more pain, to decorate the walls of our prison cell a little more tastefully so that we are comfortable and secure?
I pray for a miracle each and every day. I...
I hope it gets answered.
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
On Earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day, our daily bread,
And forgive us our trespasses.
As we forgive those who trespass against us,
Deliver us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil,
Amen.
Holy Father, Cosmic Creator, Supreme Intelligence, Maker and Master of the Universes,
Holy Mother, Spirit, Soul and Spark,
Yeshua the Christ, the son, the wise and enlightened one.
We call upon you.
NOW is the time.
For miracles to begin.
Let us heal this world first by healing ourselves.
Let us light the candle of others by nurturing our own flames.
Let us become the change we wish to see in the world.
Let us be guided by the principles of love, beauty, truth, compassion, prosperity, freedom and justice.
Let humanity be allowed to elevate itself.
Let those that hinder and stifle our progress to wither away with impotence.
Let that which binds us to this perpetual cycle of suffering and death and slavery and deception to release its shackles upon us.
Let us be free.
From this world and the life of the next if we so choose.
Let us be with you, Eternal Father/Mother and Child.
Outside of this deranged terrarium.
Where evil reigns atop its hidden throne of darkness.
Let there be light.
Let there be peace.
Let there be heaven here, as it is in the Pleoroma.
Let us out of this place.
Let us out.
Allow us to choose our destiny.
Allow me to succeed, somehow.
To realize my purpose and to share it with the world.
I pray for a miracle. I pray for intervention.
I pray for myself.
So that I may help heal the world.
Through good works.
And good words.
Thank you.
I am waiting for your reply.
Get us off this carousel.
The time has come.
