Hello blog, it has been over a month since I posted last.
...Well...
What an amazing time to be alive.
COVID-19 and all that it has done. Slowed down the world. Going to reset the financial system. It'll prompt an evolution in consciousness and completely change our lives.
Just to name a few of the things that I am thankful for.
... I'm coming off of listening to a live broadcast from David Wilcock (David Wilcock on the Great Pandemic, Part IV) and... I cried.
Cried because during the meditation I caught a glimpse of heaven. Of perfection. Of beauty and strength and glory.
Before this meditation I had my notebook and was scribbling stuff about decalcifying the pineal gland. I wanted to know as much as I could about this because I've experienced an "unlocking" or unblocking of my pineal gland a few times before and... I wanted it again. I wanted to keep it permanent. Not fade away like it did in the past. To see such love and beauty in the world for but days or weeks or hours only to return to darkness and despair.
David Wilcock is not who I expected to be making a difference in my life right now. I never did think he would be the man I most look up to and need at this moment. I've known about him for years and... really.. I could not have seen this coming.
Read his books. Watched him on Ancient Aliens... kind of shook my head at his "I am the reincarnation of Edgar Cayce" proclamation and... really just took it all with a huge grain of salt. I mean.. that's kind of how I am. I treat information as innocent until proven guilty. I sometimes need a strong amount of evidence to validate a certain narrative and David mainly came in with anecdotal evidence to back up some of his more outlandish claims. So... it kind of made me more skeptical than I needed to be.
No longer. I am hanging onto his every word now.
Again... that meditation was beautiful. His wife Elizabeth was on these singing bowls and... I really like David's voice and style. I've never... liked guided meditation. Ever. Never found a voice that I enjoyed listening to or didn't have to strain to understand.
But him and his wife were perfect. In fact... his wife sounds and seems a lot like Fola...
Speaking of which... we're ... broken up now I guess. I hit the limits of my patience. I could not... stand her antagonism and ... her obvious pride at being a destructive and chaotic force.
She read some of my blog during the last day we were together. Sitting at my table for a few hours... in silence and... uncertainty about where to go next.
In my blog I called her an agent of chaos. The next day on Facebook she posted about how proud she was to be called an agent of chaos.
Yeah... we're not going to work.
I want harmony and love and peace and respect and understanding and compassion.
Not fucking chaos.
The last time she was here with her daughter and sister, she... tried to goad me into having an argument right there in front of every one. Was just pressuring me to blurt out the negative thoughts I was keeping. Didn't want to respect my wishes when I told her that we'd discuss it later.
"No David, tell me what's wrong! Tell me now! Tell me tell me tell me!"
Such a lack of self-awareness. I swear... Her level of ignorance is unreal.
And as I mentioned many times before... my definition of evil is that of willful ignorance.
And evil... well... evil means not to be in alignment with Truth.
Desiring NOT to be in alignment, that is.
Lately... I've been having a lot of realizations. I now understand why I have been seeing 33 all over the place this year. I now understand who Fola actually is and what her allegiance is towards. I understand her mission, I understand her purpose and I understand her struggle and ignorance and confusion and fear and hatred...
Though she doesn't exhibit it publicly or even privately most of the time, it's there. And it's a mess.
Her wanting to join the OTO was a dead giveaway. My... fuck... my opinion didn't mean a thing to her. I did NOT want her to join. I showed her information about how members were about orgies and sex magic and women drinking semen and blood and laying naked on altars and... Crowley saying how children should be corrupted and... how you have to do whatever they tell you to do under oath which involves the greatest of spiritual consequences to one's soul...
None of it made any difference to her. Didn't matter how many links I sent her or how angry I got.
Here's a copy of the OTO contract. You going to sign onto this? And I send her a link to the contract which basically comes down to giving them permission to do whatever they want with you. Even if it results in injury or death.
She didn't want to listen to me so... days later she consulted with her shaman teacher and then decided to cancel her application.
Fucking idiot. I'm sorry... yeah... that's the woman I love and I do not like to call anyone an idiot but...
She's an idiot.
The fact that she is so worried about someone abusing her child that she can't trust the father of her own child is ... so fucking hypocritical when actually putting in an application to join the OTO.
So fucking hypocritical.
But... I'm not going to get mad about this anymore. We're done. I told her she still has to break up with me because I have tried it enough times before without any success. I am not going to leave this relationship until she lets me.
Even if it means that I won't see her again.
I don't care. We simply can't co-exist. We don't get along.
She's right. We are a shitty team.
I'm thinking about how I asked her to help me move a couch from upstairs to the basement. Halfway through she drops the couch and starts talking about how much of a shitty team we are while I am getting more and more frustrated with her inability to cooperate and get a task done.
Five minutes and the couch could have been in the basement. Mission accomplished. But no... she wants to drop it on the floor and tell me what a shitty team we are and, oh! What should we do about that David?
Yeah. She can go her own way. I'll go mine.
I know who my true love is.
She's on the other side of the border.
I've known who she is for over ten years now... more.. 15 I think...
I know who I am now.
Although I don't quite know what my purpose is yet.
But I do know that I am being listened to.
And helped.
My prayers are being answered.
After all these years of suffering and heartache and confusion and longing.
Wishing and hoping and dreaming and wondering.
Wondering when is it all ever going to make sense? Why is the world so fucked up? Why can't I find a good woman to be with and start a family with?
These questions are being answered.
The only thing I wish I could experience more... is... a greater connection. That is why I am looking into taking this pineal gland decalcification stuff seriously.
In the past, drinking purified/mineralized water made a huge difference to me.
So did fasting.
Now I'm going to be taking it seriously and see what happens. I'll have to adjust my diet as well because I'm 200lbs. Even my mother who always laughed at me saying that I'm on a diet is actually even supporting my idea of being on a diet due to her seeing my weight on the scale.
...Well... I don't need to write much. I think... I realize now that...
Hmm. I don't even need to say what I realize.
This blog already achieved it's purpose.
Now that I am seeing things more clearly.
I don't know if it is my mission to write a book.
But...
Maybe.
We'll see.
Right now my mission is to live.
To live and... evolve.
To grow into who I am most meant to become.
To peel off the layers...
And...
Rise.
...
This blog...
Thank you. Thank you...
Thank you for being here. Thank you for my family. Thank you for covid-19.
Thank you God.
Thank you Trump.
Thank you Fola.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you to all.
May I find the love I deserve.
And honour you all by it.
