showtime!!
so I've been sitting on my lazy unemployed ass (yes this is a good thing) for the past week working my way through an imposing stack of films I've rented and "borrowed" from the intranet.
I am going to do these quick and dirty:
Muhammed Ali: The Greatest Hits Collection (7.8/10)
was he the greatest? after watching this, I can't really tell. Sure he punk'd Forman with the rope-a-dope and kept his cool against a ridicuously hopped-up Joe Frazier, but is he the best boxer that ever lived? I'd have to say no. None of the three fights on this disc (Liston / Forman / Frazier) ended with Ali sending a dude for a nap on the canvas. The Liston fight was stopped because the guy looked like a bloody steak, Forman lost because he didnt put his gloves above his waist during his standing eight-count and the doc pulled Frazier out of the match. Was he the greatest? I think he's a bit overrated. Put Ali in with Rocky Marciano, Lennox Lewis or maybe even...
Nikolai Valuev.
..and lets see how far the rope-a-dope takes him there. I don't think a seven foot tall, 330lb guy called "The Beast from the East" is going to let someone like Ali keep all his teeth.
A Dirty Shame (2.2/10)
this movie just plain blows. Its like they gave a drunken, sexually-frustrated village idiot full reigns of a multi-million dollar film. Its about small town hicks who after they've had a concussion become sexualy ravaneous. I admit the plot sounded interesting, with Selma Blair sporting funbags larger than the tires on my truck, but dear God is this ever a stinker. Avoid at all costs. Not even Johnny Knoxville can save this wretched garbage.
This is also the perfect film for me to seperate the men from the boys when it comes to reviewers. For instance, Martin Scribbs writes: "A Dirty Shame, a very funny movie, overcomes its limitations by playing to director John Waters' strengths."
I plan on waiting for Martin Scribbs to show up at my door so I can kick his ass.
Fahrenheit 451 (2.7/10)
In a future, not too far away, we'll still be using rotary-dial telephones. Yeah, I can't believe Ray Bradbury gave some low-budgeted British production the thumbs up to adapt his book for the big screen. Most disappointing was seeing the "wall" screens which are supposed to be tvs that cover an entire wall. In the movie they're about the size of a postage stamp. And this is the future?
Plus you get bad British acting, props that look like they been purchased from the back room at Goodwill, and the look of the film reminded me of the awful Brit sitcoms we used to get on the public access network, "if it is no trouble, would you mind passing me a lump my good chap?" "why certainly, one lump or two?" "if it is no trouble for you, I would be most delighted in a single lump my jolly friend. Pip pip!"
Anyways, these are not the droids you've been looking for... next up...
Conan the Barbarian (8.6/10)
You can't go wrong with Ah-Nuld's portrayal of a slave rising up the ranks to become the most feared warrior of his time. This film works well with Arnie's heavy accent and "...the lam-en-ta-tat-tons of their women..." speech, well damn, that speech is just classic.
And what kind of self respecting male wouldn't want to nail hot vampire chicks, hack off the appendages of random people and become a king by his own hand? I'll tell you who wouldn't.
The End of Suburbia (8.3/10)
Time to break out the tinfoil hats...
Are we running out of oil? What would happen if suddenly oil was no longer a commodity that could be purchased? What impact would this have on the economy? On jobs? On transportation? Or more specifically, in the suburbs?
This is a fascinating "shock"omentary where the filmmakers try to get everyone to wet themselves with fear by the time the credits roll. I have to say, they do paint a very persuasive portrait of life after oil. Sure we'll be walking a lot more, have to work different jobs, restructure the retail sector, kill/cripple/maim whoever has a cornflake so we can feed our families, etc. But the big question (that wasn't answered to my satisfaction) is, will we run out of oil in our lifetimes?
While I'm not completely convinced there's a reason to panic, I do think a plan b should be set in motion. Also, if there is a great risk of us running out of oil (Hello China, whats that? you want even more oil?), then it would explain why the American government invaded Iraq. Maybe securing the oil refineries and having complete control over the region's exports is far more important than most people think. Its easy to paint their motives as being suspiciously arrogant, but maybe the US does have a good reason to kill thousands of innocent people :P
Total eye-opener. Watch this with your grandfather's pipe in your mouth.
next up:
Pet Semetary
Hostel
The Descent
Silent Hill
